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Rain (Read 263 times)

Chaim Supreme Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 1200 Location: Israel Joined: Apr 19^th, 2004	Re: Rain Reply #8 - Oct 29^th, 2011 at 8:26pm	Print Post
	It's raining dogs and cats, or at least dogs anyway. I love the first stanza: There’s a purple sound to the drumming of rain tonight. Black dogs crouch in the corner of my eyes. "Black dogs crouch in the corner of my eyes" is just too cool. I also like the idea of have a color express a feeling. However, I think that your ending the poem too soon. I want to feel the storm that's raging inside that prevents you from hearing your friend's words. That would be very interesting. Thanks, Chaim


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nas Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 9444 Joined: Sep 11^th, 2006	Re: Rain Reply #7 - Oct 28^th, 2011 at 6:14am	Print Post
	Thanks Lori Sometimes we need a plain speaking friend even if what is said isn't what you want to hear.


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The_Poet_Loriet Full Member Offline Your easiest hello and your hardest goodbye Posts: 339 Location: Chillicothe, Illinois Joined: Oct 21^st, 2004	Re: Rain Reply #6 - Oct 28^th, 2011 at 12:53am	Print Post
	I found this beautifully poignant~pretty, sad, real...I hate when someone bites a hole in our security blankets...best line!


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nas Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 9444 Joined: Sep 11^th, 2006	Re: Rain Reply #5 - Sep 17^th, 2011 at 11:23am	Print Post
	Thanks Chana and Shalom to you.


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chanafrumin Full Member Offline I Love Cafe Poetica! Posts: 267 Joined: Apr 6^th, 2008	Re: Rain Reply #4 - Sep 16^th, 2011 at 1:55pm	Print Post
	Shalom This poem was chilling... and i liked the depth Thanks Chana


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nas Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 9444 Joined: Sep 11^th, 2006	Re: Rain Reply #3 - Jul 21^st, 2011 at 10:07pm	Print Post
	Thanks very much Daniel and Norm Daniel - basically this poem is about someone giving the MC blunt advice that they are not ready to accept or do anything about.


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Normpo Forum Administrator Offline Posts: 10830 Joined: Aug 2^nd, 2003	Re: Rain Reply #2 - Jul 21^st, 2011 at 12:38pm	Print Post
	nas, Those first two stanzas are just fabulous IMO. The imagery and metaphors set such a distinctive tone and mood that reader can't help but FEEL the moment. Excellent! Ranks with the best of all the good things you write! Norm


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Just_Daniel Supreme Member Offline Slow down; things will go faster. ~ djr Posts: 8989 Location: South West New Jersey Joined: Aug 2^nd, 2003	Re: Rain Reply #1 - Jul 21^st, 2011 at 9:29am	Print Post
	This is a very perplexing piece, nas! The narrator seems to be going through a very stormy relationship indeed, one that seems to need to be faced, though in this case, as in thousands of lives, it's avoided and drowned out by other action and ingestion. Purple is a well-chosen color for this rain! in Light of painful reality, Daniel


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nas Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 9444 Joined: Sep 11^th, 2006	Rain Jul 19^th, 2011 at 10:36pm	Print Post
	There’s a purple sound to the drumming of rain tonight. Black dogs crouch in the corner of my eyes. Your harsh words are sharp teeth biting holes in my security blanket. I know you speak sense, say only what you feel but I’m not ready to hear your wisdom. It’s easier to drown truth in a bottle of chilled white wine than face the storm.


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